Let’s discuss neighbors for a minute.
Or more to the point….the rude ones.
I do my best to be a good neighbor. No loud noise between 10pm and 8am. I take out my trash. I keep my apartment clean. Music down. TV down. You know, the common sense stuff so I can get along with my neighbors.
Jackass neighbors #1. Apparently the Sasquatch couple who own a herd of buffalo (okay a few cats) live above me. At first they seemed nice. We met in the laundry room and I commented that I hoped my cat wasn’t bothering them with his yodeling (yes…he freaking yodels). Female Sasquatch said nope, never heard him. They asked if I heard their cats, and I said only when they’re playing race car. They asked in unison, race car? I said, you know…when our cats go all freaky and run around the house for no apparent reason. Mine do it too.
Sasquatch couple said “You can hear that?” I said well yeah. It’s an old building with no soundproofing, so of course I’m going to hear them running around. Sasquatch couple looked at each other and said, that’s really embarrassing. I commented again it’s an old building and totally understandable.
You’re probably wondering why I call them the Sasquatch couple. Is it because they’re tall and hairy? Nope. Is it because they appear to have been raised by wolves? No, you’d be wrong again. Give up?
I call them the Sasquatch couple because THEY FREAKING STOMP ALL OVER THEIR FUCKING APARTMENT!!!
I have never in all the years of apartment living experienced anything like this stomping around. My husband thought I was exaggerating until he was here for his daughter’s graduation. He could not believe his ears. They even have outdone the 2am hammerers that lived above me several years ago. And by hammerers, I literally mean hammering and not having wall and floor banging loud sex. To this day I have no idea what they were hammering on for nearly a week before I called the manager and complained. Seriously I gave them a week because I thought they had just moved in and were rearranging furniture. Turns out, they just liked to hammer. AT 2 FUCKING O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!
Regardless, Mr. and Mrs. Sasquatch made it into my jackass neighbors category because they also stomp around from about midnight to 3am. And then get up around 5:30am every, fricking day. WHY IN THE FUCK ARE YOU STOMPING AROUND? ARE YOU ANGRY? THEN GET SOME FUCKING THERAPY!!!!
Jackass neighbor #2 just recently appeared. And by recently I mean this very evening. We’ve been having some warm temperatures. Windows are open to air out the apartment (I cannot wait to get back into a house again by they way). This evening I smelled something funny and walked over to my windows to check. That was when my lungs seized up and I realized the funny smell was cigarette smoke. Smoke that was now inside my apartment.
I have asthma and cigarette smoke does not like me at all. Otherwise I don’t give two shits if you smoke. You want to die of cancer, please smoke away. Though I suggest you just cut out the middle men of doctors, oncologists, chemotherapy and eventual horrible death and just throw yourself in front of a train. If you’re going to kill yourself, via cigarette smoking, why drag it out? Be a man and end it quick.
But I digress.
I walked over there and told the two “ladies” smoking outside that I have asthma and their smoke was coming into my apartment. Was there any way they could smoke away from the building. Neither one of them responded to me. So I again said, I’m very sorry to bother you but I have a ton of smoke in my apartment and I have health issues, would you mind stepping further away from the building? The older “lady” turned to me and said Sure, when I go back to Arizona. The younger “lady” just looked at me with her mouth open (mouth breather is NOT a good look by the way). I turned to the older “lady” and said, Why thank you, you’re a real fucking bitch now aren’t you?
I wasn’t rude (until the end), I asked nicely and even apologized for disturbing them. I don’t expect them to change their lives, I had a valid reason for my request and all I wanted was a little common courtesy. So yes, she was a fucking bitch.
Deep, cleansing breath. Or there would be one if THAT FUCKING BITCH WASN’T SMOKING OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT RIGHT NOW!!!
Anyway, all kidding aside. Don’t be an asshole neighbor. If someone is going out of their way to ask you a favor, and is being nice about it, hear them out. Be nice back to them. It takes so little effort and will make for better living conditions.