How did I get here?

You’d think at the age of 47, I would have it all figured out my now.

I’m working on it now though. I have to. I quit my job and I’m starting a new chapter in my life. I spent over 15 years in a high stress career, at which I was very good, but ultimately brought me little happiness or satisfaction.

When I thought about my life back at 18, I wanted to be a writer, a musician, an artist and a dancer. All creative outlets, right? What happened? How did I end up in accounting and credit and not chasing my dreams?

Bad choices. Really bad choices. And fear and laziness.

I married at 19 to the wrong person (stupid, stupid, dumb, dumb….remind me to talk to you all about getting married before 30). I was literally walking down the aisle knowing I was making a mistake. When I look back, I wish I had the guts to turn around and say “I don’t”. Six years, no kids (my choice), a shit ton of debt (thank you ex-husband for not working) and a divorce later, I was in desperate need of a good paying job.

I moved into a career where I could use some of the college courses I had under my belt. Accounting, finance, bookkeeping; whatever you want to call it. I needed money and I was too afraid to do anything else. One job led into another job. I gained knowledge and experience.

I would think about going back to school, attend Literature classes again, following my dreams. I read anything I could get my hands on and loved to discuss the books I read. I would put pen to paper and write short stories. Then I would put aside my thoughts and dreams and go to work. Too scared to look into changing my life…..too lazy to take those first steps.

Today I am remarried; still no kids, a grown step-daughter, a few cats and I recently left my job of 8 years with a company that’s only been around for 11 years. My husband accepted a position for another company and is living in another state.

So where does that leave me?

It leaves me starting over again. Reinventing myself. Sucking up my insecurities and chasing my dreams. Someone asked me why now and I responded with “Because I better chase my dreams now, while my legs still work.”

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